Walking through the wilderness

During my season of great travail I heard God say in the midst of extreme pressure, “do you trust Me”. I want you to know, It was only at the point of surrender did I begin to hear those four life changing words. I quickly learned God never ask a question that He doesn’t already know the answer. My tragedy began with my youngest son diagnosed with a glioblastoma-multiforme stage 4 brain tumor – a rare adult cancer; in Nov. 28th, 2011.

He was 8 years old and in my gut, I only knew to share Jesus with him. This was to brace he and I for the battle we were in the midst of. As he and I walked through this gigantic test of faith, he somehow became the leader of the pack. I know it is highly irregular for the child to thrive in the midst of tragedy, but Jordan did just that. The truth of the matter, God single handedly placed His thumbprint on Jordan to comfort, encourage, and strengthen me as well as so many others. Many asked me, if God had His hand on your son why didn’t he heal him. I can say with confidence, that was not the plan God had for me and mine.

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3


Baby chicks standing alone

While all those things were brewing like a pressure cooker, Jordan was in the midst of a very intense; chemo – radiation – chemo regimen. The battled seemed manageable at the time and yet we were still in crisis mode, I heard again, “do you trust Me”. Then it seemed another gut punch was delivered personally by the enemy, divorce was looming at my back door. Even after I discovered the state of my marriage, I continued to believe Him for my son’s healing, marriage and family. I turned up my prayer life as God showed me it was virtually non-existent. He continued to show me that in order to battle in the spirit, it would require my prayer life to go to the next level. Quite frankly, on a scale of one to ten it needed to be a ten.

As I continuously felt the walls closing in on me I realized I had to make the tough sacrifice to close my bakery and remove my cakes from the case, at a very prominent grocery store. As I rehearsed the load I was carrying over and over again…I juggled my youngest sons care, failed marriage, my two older boys, job and bakery. It became incredibly clear that my bakery was not meant to remain open. So out of nowhere a young woman surfaced and I sold all of my heavy equipment, to her. Thereafter my cakes were also removed from the case. On Oct. 12th, 2012 my bakery was closed for

“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” Psalm 46:10

Then I heard again, “do you trust Me”. Yet again we were faced with another blow as the tumor grew, which meant another level of chemo and it required a port placement under his right shoulder-blade. My family was split apart which was not His design, but what could I do; but pray. My sons; Justin, was with his father and John, was with me as he helped me quite a bit with Jordan.


In God We Trust

Then just as the storm cap-sized I heard again “do you trust Me” then Jordan’s condition went from stable to worst in Jan. 2013. Since Jordan, was wise beyond his years he said late one afternoon, Mommy I don’t want to spend the night at the hospital. In that moment, I knew there were so many things that were out of my control, but his little request was doable. So I drove us home in the wee hours of the morning. It all seem to roll down hill from there. Then as his function began to diminish and in distress mode; I heard again, “do you trust Me”. I had made up in my mind to go toe to toe with this monster yet again. I told Jordan, you know God brought you through before, He is sure to do it again. He said after looking at me, with his sight leaving him…”not this time Mommy”. I knew then it was over. I stepped behind the wall and sobbed uncontrollably. It was not much longer after that, as Jordan went home to be with the Lord, March 24th, 2013. I must admit I miss that prophet, in a boy’s body. What I am sure of Jordan is with Him. Now I am charged to flourish in a purpose that was destined for me, that only God could imprint in me.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Cor. 1:4

Rest assured, God loves us all so very much and He knew my pain. There are three things that I want to engrave in your hearts and minds;

  • I was never alone as He covered, hovered and cradled us through it all, it did not stop the storm from happening. As He was always right there
  • My joy and peace was never dependent upon on my circumstance
  • He was and is my undeniable source

As God would have it, He makes all things beautiful in it’s time Ecc 3:11. Jordan is now healed in heaven with the Father. As for me I am to arise and flourish as I have been made new to forge ahead in purpose. My divorce was final Nov. 30, 2013. My boys are progressing nicely with scars; My oldest is a senior at Lee, and my middle son will be a junior at Atascocita High in the Houston area. As for my cakes, they are under a new name; Jordan’s Sweet Tooth Creations, LLC and I am just days away from relaunching in Fresh by Brookshire’s grocery chain in the East TX area.

If you’ve heard nothing else from me today just know if we trust God then surely He takes care of us. If we trust in anything else, that’s the very thing we are trusting to take care of us. God must be first, as He will be second to none. No matter your circumstance or loss due to; cancer, sickness, job, flunked out of school, child in prison, home foreclosure, car repossessed, children taken away from you, wayward child, negative bank account, no food; the question becomes “do you really trust God”? 

Here is a song that encouraged me I hope it does the same for you: My Testimony by Marvin Sapp