As I look out the window over Big D from the 17th floor I see trees swaying, cars moving to and fro, and here and there. It dawns on me Jordan passed two weeks ago on tomorrow. I kept saying we lost Jordan and in this moment I realized I did not lose him. Who he was and is I will carry with me forever. I couldn’t help but to think, he would have loved to stay at this hotel. I paused and realized yet again, he loved what I loved and that was the beauty in him.

I continue to look out the window again day dreaming, thoughts running wild and I see healing in this storm. I first must “let it all go”. The underlining message at this point is healing. I can only begin to move in that once I have let it all go. I keep hearing I need to let it all go. In my mind how could I still be holding on to anything. I became emotional at that moment and I realized yet again I haven’t let it all go. Since the emotion is there I am clearly holding on to something. The scriptures that dropped in my spirit:

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us 2Cor 1:4 nlt.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies 2Cor. 4:8-10 nlt.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever 2Cor. 4:17 & 18 nlt.

This is our guarantee – God’s got it. Now, I get it no matter what happened to Jordan in the natural, it was always in God’s hands (God’s got it). When Jordan said that phrase last year, I saw it in the natural sense. I now know that Jordan’s diagnosis was temporary (what I could see) and what was to come (unseen) Jordan going home to be with the Lord (eternal). There is peace and healing in knowing and understanding that for me. I also must make sure John and Justin understand as well.

Here is a song that God gave me to be encouraged. I hope it encourages you:
God’s got it


In this pic, Jordan was recently diagnosed at this point. Did not want to hold back on the kisses.